Muddy Madness (without the hassle of pinning a number on).

An inch of rain and 50 degree temps make it hard NOT to go play in the mud and get dirty on the Raleigh CX bike. So, when Charles offered to drive us out to King's CX course, I went. It was raining, and the course was a muddy mess of spin outs, half wheel high puddles, and pure joy.




















The mid-west Regional Masters CX Championships are on Saturday and this weather - rain predicted for 3 days - make it very tempting to get out there for some humiliation. Especially after previewing the course today. New additions are steps (love the run ups!), and a tiny little hill that took me 5 tries to get up without getting off the bike. I love Kings CX, it was the venue for my 1st CX race and it will always hold a special place in my heart. When ever I ride there, I remember that 1st race, and how much fun it was.















We rode the course about 4 laps, in the rain, and only 4 of us out there riding. There's something fun about going out for a muddy, wet ride, and not having to race. Just enjoying the bike, the mud, the splash and squish makes me smile.















It makes Ryan smile too. I am trying to talk him into racing CX on his MTB bike. :)

Gratitude - it's not just for Thanksgiving.

So this may sound lame to you, but for the last 9 months, I have text'd a gratitude list to my support network in recovery. It started last spring, when I met a woman who would become my grand-sponsor (now co-grand-sponsor, long story). When we exchanged numbers, she said "Don't be surprised if you get a gratitude list from me in the morning." And low and behold, the next morning, my phone went DING! DING! DING! and her 3 page text message came through.

It caught on, and ever since that day I have sent my own gratitude list. Everyday. Ten things.
The more involved I get with recovery, and with the people in my sponsorship network, the more people I send the list to. Right now, I have 19 people on that list. And every morning, and all throughout the day, my phone goes off DING! DING! DING! I read each and every message.

It may sound lame, but this shit works. It helps get me remember that no matter what, I have a shitload to be thankful for, even if it's something as simple as a bowel movement.

For today, I am making my gratitude list public to you. I hope you will think of ten things you are grateful for, and not just on this holiday.















1. Sober - The number one priority is my sobriety. If I am not sober, I don't have jack shit. I thank my God for helping me stay sober on a daily basis. A couple weeks ago, I was at my Mom's house. I found her stash of pain killers. She was downstairs and I had an opportunity to take them. For some reason, I put them back. I believe that there is a greater being out there, watching out for me. This may seem like a religious statement, but in reality, I am not for organized religion. Religious people are afraid of hell, spiritual people have been through hell. See the difference?

2. Dominic - my awesome husband. Not only is he charming, respectful, and funny, we share a love of bicycles. I am so very lucky to be married to this guy. To have a partner I can trust, someone who adores me as much as I adore him, someone who always has my back, and someone to grow old with - I am grateful for him and the love we share.















3. Our house - in 2002, when I closed on this house, I remembered the grit and grime of the San Francisco streets of just 6 years prior. I remembered standing in line at the homeless shelters, hoping for a chair to sit in for the night. I remembered sleeping on cardboard in an alley. I remembered walking the streets in the Mission, waiting for the sun to come up. This house may be a shitty little house in a shitty neighborhood, but it's MY house and I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. I have a washer and dryer, clean clothes, clean sheets, a furnace, AC, and a fenced in yard for my dogs. How could I not be grateful for that?














4. My Mom - she's 75 and the toughest woman I know. She's been through a lot of shit in her life. We have been though a lot of shit together. She's always been there for me and for that, I am grateful. I love you Momma!



















5. My dogs - my life would be empty without them. Giving a home to a rescue dog (or 3) is the best. My dogs are so happy and grateful for the life we provide for them. They are my family and I love them all so very much. They make me laugh when I am sad. They are always happy to see me, they love unconditionally, and they teach me so much.















6. My friends - all the ones who have come and gone in my life. The ones who are dead, who have died from the disease of addiction. The ones who stick around, and the ones I have detached from for one reason or another. I am grateful for the good times and the bad, the lessons learned, I will not forget.

7. My bikes - the 13 bikes we have. Yes, it's totally cool to be grateful for material things. Bikes brought me together with Dominic. Bikes give me freedom. Bikes bring a smile to my face, whether I am racing or just peddlin' along. Bikes are pure awesomeness.















8. My job at Sidewinder Coffee. Can I tell you how much happier I am NOT working in the travel industry? I may be poor, but my bills are paid, I have everything I could possibly need (and more), and I get to work with cool people. My boss is rad. The customers are, for the most part, nice people, and I get to see a lot of people I have known for years and years. Slingin' espresso is way better than taking calls from snotty, spoiled rotten corporate travelers and I don't miss that shit for one instant.

9. My health - strong mind, strong body. I have two legs in which to pedal a bike or run if I want. I have strong bones from lifting weights. I have discipline and courage. When I set my mind to do something, I do it. Too many people I know from the past have let their health decline. I am grateful to hold onto my healthy ways.














10. Recovery network - I have this really fucking awesome group of people I see every week. When I walk into a room and see them, it makes me smile. I learn so much from them. They are there for me when the shit hits the fan. We are all sick mother fuckers but we all have one thing in common, we've been through hell and we don't want to live like that anymore. They have so much to offer and I love them more and more as time goes on. To be a part of this special group is spectacular, I will forever be grateful for all of them.

I am not down with the cold.

My week of workouts consisted of this:

Saturday: 7 mile run.
Sunday: Nada, unless eating is exercise.
Monday: Two mile swim
Tuesday: AM - one hour on my rollers.
Tuesday: PM: Ran stairs for an hour.
Wednesday: Weights.
Thursday: 90 minutes on rollers keeping my HR at 160+.
Friday: 31 miles outside, froze my ass off.















Since my last CX race, I've kept the workouts inside for the most part. Last weekend it was nice and sunny and running outside is fine. It doesn't take a huge effort.

Yesterday I made the attempt to ride outside.
It sucked balls.
38 degrees and sunshine.

Sounds ok, right?

I don't know if it's the effort it takes for me to dress - base layer, tights, chamois, jersey, thermal jacket, balaclava, shoe covers...

I suppose it's a lot.
I overdress, cuz I fuckin' hate the cold. It takes me a month to adjust to it.

...Or if it sucked cuz my legs were shot from riding my rollers the night before at a hard effort....

Anyways.

I met Chip at the Purple People Bridge, a 7 mile ride from my house. On my way there, I noticed my speed was like, 14MPH. I couldn't pedal worth a shit. My clothes felt like they were weighing me down. My legs felt like two gigantic pieces of lead.

I thought, once I am warmed up and out of this headwind, I'll be ok.

Not the case.

We rode out to Indian Hill, and at mile 22, we pulled over. I got off my bike and layed on the ground and Chip snapped this picture.




















I whipped out my new addiction - the Volcano ECig. Yup, I got a nicotine habit like a mother fucker now. Dominic got me hooked on it last spring when he'd plug it into my computer and let it charge. I started vapin'. I get the full on nicotine hit, without the smoke. I know, sick.















Chip wasn't having fun either. We got back on our bikes and he'd yell things like:

"Let's go back and sit in the sun some more."
"Let's call a cab."
"Let's go get some coffee".

So we did a short loop around Indian Hill and ended up at the Coffee Emporium a mile from his house.















Instead of riding the 9 miles to my house, I let Chip drive me. My hands and feet were frozen. And when I got home, my furnace was out - again. The house was freezing.

I am still sitting here without heat, waiting on a furnace man to show up.
I fuckin' hate winter.

Moving on and other shit.

I made it 3 days without the Facebooks. WEAK!!! I felt detached.

I did get a lot done around the house in those 3 days. I vowed I would not log back on until my PC had been moved back into my 2nd bedroom, where Kaitlyn was staying. I worked on the closets (really, they should be cleaned out more than every 10 years), moved all of Dominic's things into the 2nd bedroom, and organized all my cycling gear thats been sitting on top of Lola's crate for 3 months. With winter coming, I wanted that shit sorted out so I could find it easily and not have to spend 2 hours getting ready for a ride.




















My house is finally in order. The next thing on my list is to paint the livingroom, but Dominic and I haven't decided on a color. And then, our Christmas present to each other will be to set the aquariums back up in my office and get some baby fish, I miss having them so much. This was Vito, our Green Terror. He was so cool.



So, it's been pretty nice not thinking about racing. CX is still going strong here in the mid-west. Regional Masters Champs is the weekend after Thanksgiving. Skipping that. Master's WORLDS CX is in January just an hour and a half away in Louisville. Skipping that.

I had hoped to race well this season but the crash 6 weeks ago pretty much ended my season, and I am totally ok with that. Keeping my ass lifted is more important to me these days. I've been running again - 7 miles last weekend HURT. I swam 2 miles yesterday. This morning I spun out a sweaty hour long session on rollers, and tonight I will run steps. No scheduled workouts, just healthy - you dig?

On racing in 2012 - well, I probably won't focus on it. I had a lot of fun this summer racing criteriums and did well.














And Mohican was one of the best days I have ever spent on a bike.




















The RideClean team is no more. I got the email the other day. Something about sponsorship, and the managers of the team having personal difficulties. It's a shame, because the RC statement was worth so much in the sport of cycling. For me, RideClean was the perfect opportunity, what with being associated with DrunkCyclist and all (the DC emblem is even on the jersey).

As much fun as racing can be, the team thing continues to haunt me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it just does not suit my personality. I don't like the elitism, the feeling of not belonging, the emotions of being an outcast. I am not "team material" as one commenter put it:

"Don't assume by someone's results that they are fast. Coming in 4th out 5 racers in a beginner category doesn't make you fast. I do agree that teams don't just hand out invitations based on performance. They also invite people to join a team because they like that person, know they would be good advocates for the cycling community & would represent their team in a positive light. Judi's personality alone doesn't qualify her to be a part of any team. The local teams just don't want to be associated with her potty mouth, addict attitude and drama she invokes. That doesn't make them elitist. Judi seems bitter. Hence the " Local teams suck" blog post. "

That comment has stuck with me throughout this entire year of racing. I've often wondered who it was, and why the fuck I continue to show up, pin a race number on, and try to be a part of Cincinnati's race scene...

No more.
I am through.

The friends I have made via racing bikes, well, the "real" friends, will keep in touch and continue to be there when and if I need them. The rest of the fakies out there can suck it, ya know?

Internet Wasteland

After a couple of weeks of contemplating it, I suspended my account this morning.








I don't know about you, but I was spending way too much time staring at that fucking page, with the update stream on the right hand side of the screen, sucking me in. Who are these people? I knew fewer and fewer of them as I accepted more and more friend requests. Mostly blog readers, or friends of friends that I knew next to nothing about. Nor had anything in common with. I was just wasting time, unable to stop staring at that fucking page. I found myself getting a later start to my day, often hours later, wondering where my day went.

Back when I worked from home, and could look at Facebook while on someone's else's clock, it was cool. A good way to waste time in between calls. That life is over, and though I only work part time, 4 days a week, I have a lot of shit to do around my house. Until that's all done, I am saying goodbye to Facebook and all it's addictive ways.

UCI3 CX

As it sit here at my computer, trying to find the words for this blog post, it's just turned 5pm, and the sky is getting dark. We changed the clocks back last night. This feeling of dread sits in my gut, knowing that holidays, snow, and bad weather are approaching. At least I have the discipline to ride indoors to keep some sanity going....

So I raced this weekend. I wouldn't call it racing though. More like, I rode my (Raleigh's) bike in a CX race. I placed shitty both days but I managed to have some fun with it, stayed upright, and smiled some.

Friday's race at Devou was awesome. I had a couple goals to just have fun and stay upright. Having been off my bike for most of the last 4 weeks, I knew my legs would feel like shit and I knew it would hurt. CX hurts. There is no way around it. We had mud, hills, mud, hills, logs, hills, and mud, and a lot of leaves. I had fun. I really did. And when I came across the finish line, I smiled, having only beat two women. I didn't care. I just had fun riding a bike in the mud. After Dominic left, I hung out with some non-team oriented guys after the race who got drunk and made me laugh a lot. It was a great day.

Today's race at Harbin was not fun. I mean, the course was fun, it's my 3rd year doing it. An incident in the parking lot with me, whacking my finger on a bike pump trying to help out a fellow female rider who reads this blog, getting blood on her, freaked me out enough to put The Wall up. After that, I spoke to few people, only a handful of women I like, but don't see often.

The team thing once again, getting on my fucking nerves, as it has for the 2+ years I've been bike racing.

The race itself was shortened to just 2 laps since it was a long course and the time change was going to make the pro's race near dark. I needed that 3rd lap, but whatever. I stayed upright, smiled some, really enjoyed the time spent on my (Raleigh's) bike.

We pretty much got the hell out of there once my bike was cleaned up.

Here are some fun pictures from the two days I raced. I wore a face mask to prevent the asthma from kicking in, and it worked really well even though I look like an idiot.






































































































I've been thinking long and hard about 2012, and what all I want to do as far as my bikes go. That's a whole 'nuther post I have going on in my head, and I'll work on it next week. I think anything that requires a USAC license will be out the window. Staying fit and looking good in my clothes/bathing suit seems more important these days than stupid bike races that leave me feeling like shit....

Have a great week.

I'm not dead, my PC was.

It's been almost a month since my crash at Gun Club CX. My knee is still cranky when I ride. My left kneecap is different than the right. Not swollen, but it's definitely got a different shape. I took two full weeks off the bike and have only ridden a handful of times since then.

The Cincy UCI3 CX festival kicks off tomorrow and I am reg'd to race at 10:30am. I am also reg'd to race Sunday - if nothing bad happens. I feel obligated to finish out the season, if at all possible. I owe Raleigh, at the very least, to race their awesome bike at one of the biggest CX races in the country. This is it. I am going to go for it, try to have fun, and not hurt so bad. It's been raining non stop all day so it's going to be a mud fest too.


The Raleigh RX 1.0 on the MTB trail at Devou














I got this email today:

Judi,

I'm just one of your blog readers, but thought I would check on you anyway.

Your last blog mentioned that you had stumbled and maybe you are having a private time right now. I wanted to let you know that we (your blogging stalkers) were thinking of you and wishing you strength and peace.

Sending good mojo your way,

Vicky

How sweet is that?

So, yea, as I told Vicky, I am doing pretty good. Bummed about the new sobriety date. I would have had 8 months now. Whatever, shit happens. You just get up, dust yourself off, and move the fuck on.

So, moving on.

My PC has been dead for the last week. My computer guy hooked me up with a new system tonight and I am back to my keyboard. I can't do laptops. Lola ate the wires to the back of my computer, the day I took the tower in, so that was a mess to try and straighten out.

Speaking of sweet Lola. She is as healthy as can be, is taking vitamins for her itchy skin (white pit bulls have delicate pink skin!) and is putting on weight. She is looking fabulous. A terror, no less, but a joy to have around. I took this picture of her in the woods last week while we were waiting on Ari and Fausto to come back from chasing deer.
















Last weekend, Dominic and I got dressed up for a fancy schmancy wedding for Ryan and Kristi, and Dominic was one of four groomsmen. It was a beautiful wedding, and even though we had a ton of shit we were going through in our own personal relationship, we pulled it together. I wore make up for the first time in about 7 years, and Dominic wore a tux.

We clean up rather well, if I do say so myself. I only have these two pictures because Dominic would not pose for anymore.







































Last but not least, Kaitlyn is moving out. I don't really have much to say on the subject, but I tried so hard, I really did. The responsibility was overwhelming and Dominic and I are NOT parent material. She is 18 and I am optimistic she will take the right path in life. Some of us are dealt shitty hands in life, and we just have to make the best of the situation and move forward.

XXOO-
Judi