A week later...

So maybe I hurt some feelings, but I had to separate myself from people who just bring out the hate in me. Fake friends, it's just not workin' for me. Joan Jett got it right.

When you were down they were never there
When you're all alone you really get to learn
If you get back up they gonna come around
All the sycophants they love to make romance
To the ugly sound of 'em tellin' you what you
Wanna hear an' you pretend

'cause they all agree you're supposed to have a better life
But you're feelin' worse
An' they build you up till you fool yourself that you're
Something else an' it's like a curse cause
You can't live up to what they made of you
An' they tell you that you're losin' friends

Losin' friends, losin' friends
Ya got nothin to lose
Ya don't lose when you lose fake friends

Ya go an tell 'em you were king of the hill
When ya need a hand - that was yesterday
Ya see 'em laugh while you're on your knees
An' it breaks your heart 'cause ya gave so much
An' ya can't believe that ya hit the gound an'
Ya notice ya been losin' friends

Losin' friends, losin' friends
Ya got nothin to lose
Ya don't lose when you lose fake friends

It's been better this week. A tad isolated, except for the people I choose to see and speak to. Mostly that has been Dominic, or my peeps in recovery.

Lots of sweat sessions - since Thanksgiving I have only given myself 3 rest days. The goal is to keep it under 5 till after the New Year.

Dominic and I have been working out a ton together. I've been kicking his ass in the gym on the treadmill, and he gets me back with hard core strength training. We swim together. He has this cute little snorkel he uses, and he insists on wearing a swimcap, cuz he thinks it makes him "smokin' fast". Really, he just looks like one of those old men you see in the pool, kind of wading through the water. In the time it takes me to swim 2K (80 laps), he swims about 50 laps. We also ride inside together. I ride the rollers while he rides his fixie on the trainer, and he makes me laugh when he wears arm warmers and knee socks. He'll watch the news while I jam out to my Ipod.

Seriously, I am so lucky to be married to him. He is such a good guy. My best friend for real.

Me and my friend Emily, who has been in my life for almost 30 years, went to a really fucking hot yoga class Sunday night. The room had to have been 115 degrees, and 60+ bodies made it even hotter. It was kind of hard to breathe, especially yoga-type breathing. I was drenched in sweat, like, ringing-out-my-tank-top kind of sweat, after the class.














I've continued to run on various days. Intervals on the treadmill or routes around p-hill. I am contemplating a 14 mile trail run in February, the Frosty 14. I've done it a few times. I always loved those trails. Trails around here are closed due to deer hunting. BOO. I love running in the woods...

I ventured out for an outdoor ride on Friday. I have to pick up my dog's meat out in Harrison so I threw my bike in the car to ride the bike path out there. It was so fucking cold, my face was frozen and I was only wearing knee warmers. I did a 10 mile warm up on the path and then went outside the park to do hill repeats on this monster of a climb, 6xs up. Then a 10 mile cool down and I was froze! And it was 35 degrees outside. I just hate cold weather rides so much.

I've been hitting up 3 meetings a week and keeping in touch with my sponsor, doing the deal. Some days, I feel ok, some days I feel lousy. It's been 10 weeks since my relapse with pills. Not a day goes by that I don't think about using some type of substance, I just don't. Day by day.