Anonymity is for pussies.

I miss my blog.

I miss writing here and just, writing what I want, what I feel, without worrying about who is going to see it. It kind of sucks now. People know how to be cruel, sitting behind a computer screen, with nothing but an IP address to identify them.

I told my friend Anne today, I hate fake people.

Dominic and a few of my friends told me that I need to be able to take what I dish out. In other words, I should be able to handle all of the nasty comments that come my way if I am going to have "big mouth posts" that can be offensive.

After my last post, the comments caused a tad bit of drama and Dominic asked me not to blog here anymore. There was a fight and more drama, all within the week of the lunar eclipse, which explained why both of us were just outofourfuckingminds.

So I put the blog on "hide" and let it go. I got the idea in my head that maybe it's time to write that book. Purge the memories already. It's a scary thought but I *will* write it.

Then Dominic came home from work with a note from a chick named Cheri Pi. He said he felt like a douche and would I please put the blog back up since 3 other customers asked where it went.



So I bought the domain milesandmadness.com and am moving to wordpress. My friend James is working on that so when it's ready, you'll know.

Over the holidays I got to see some old friends I have known since 1982. That's a long fucking time to be friends with someone. I am fortunate to have these two women in my life. I have known them since I was 12 and we've been through some fucking shit, lemme tell you. It was heart warming for the three of of us to sit down and be together and talk about shit. Remember stuff, people, friends that died. Heart wrenching and awesome at the same time.

28 years of friendship.


I have been training hard.

I am on the bike 5 days a week either on the trainer or rollers. OB's indoor workouts are awesome and I can do them for hours at a time and not be bored. He tells not to, of course, I have to follow The Plan.

Once a week I run steps indoor (160 flights) and once a week I run. Today I ran for an hour and a half in the snowy trails at Mt. Airy. I am contemplating the Frosty 14 trail run again.

I am lifting weights twice a week and doing planks for core. I can now hold THREE 90 second planks. I am stoked. I'd like to get up to THREE 2 minute planks.

Sometimes I swim.

Training is going good. I hope yours is too.

I want to talk about teams again.

I have learned so much this year in regards to teams. Kenda was a good team to learn from. Paul, the director, he was good to me. Especially when the shitstorm was happening and Rick H. was trying to get me kicked off the team. Paul had my back, for sure. Tore Rick a new asshole too. I had some amazing discounts, great deals, a cute kit, but no teammates per say. I'd run into one here and there at a race, and we'd smile and say hi. Most of the time, I was on my own though.



The local teams here, well, all I can say is, I think they suck. I think the "team" thing is a huge high school cliquey type of bullshit. I don't belong, never have, never will. It's just not me. It's not who I am. I like my friends that I train and race with. I see them on a social basis too.

I had an offer for BSM but that didn't work out. That decision ended up being a very good one. The RideClean team extended an invite to their new women's team but all of the women live in AZ so that doesn't make sense.

I've decided that this year, I'd rather save my money and race solely for DrunkCyclist.com. They gave me a jersey. Coach OB gave me a pair of sweet ass Hincapie bibs. I even have yellow soccer socks for CX. I am set.

Fuck these lame ass local elitist teams.

Don't trip.

I am still here, everything is fine. My head is in a great place and I feel good! The mugshot was sent to me like 3 days ago. At first I was like "do I share?". The memories of the days that surround that picture started to flood my brain. And I decided to share the story.

Why, you might ask, do I put myself out there like that?

Two reasons.

1. For me. It's healing for me to write about my past. I don't live in the past, but I can't let myself forget where I came from, you know what I mean?

2. For the people like this, who email me off the blog to say thanks. They help me keep it real.
"I have stumbled upon your blog and I just wanted to say thanks. You are an inspiration to me and I am sure many others. After spending many of my years wasting away and making bad choices in my life I have started riding and running. I plan on doing a 1/2 marathon in 2011 and would like to enter some mountain bike races. Putting yourself out there for everyone to love or hate takes an amazing amount of courage. Keep up the good work and I will continue reading and drawing motivation from you and others."

Onto other stuff my brain is thinking about this week.

* Coach OB challenged me to a contest on Facebook. He offered me a brand new pair of Hincapie bibs if I could make it 7 days without typing the word FUCK in texts, email, Facebook, etc. I won. Those bibs are SWEET and they match my DC jersey so I am set for a 2011 kit. OB also threw in a bad ass old school winter riding team jacket that will keep me super warm. He rocks, my coach.

* DrunkCyclist.com jerseys are on sale now through X-mas for 50 bucks. Get one! Also, the new stickers are in and they are really cool. Send a SASE to the boys in AZ and they will mail you stickers for free.

* I climbed 124 flights of steps on Tuesday nite with some friends. Afterward we all went out to eat burritos. It's a new Tuesday nite tradition.

* We went to my Mom's for Hanukkah last week. I saw my nephew and x-BIL who I love to see, but rarely ever do. It was a nice chilled out holiday and seeing them again made me happy.

* We have two abandoned kitties in the garage! My neighbor dumped them when they moved away. We've been feeding them for a couple months now. It's too cold for them to stay outside now. They are named Mo-Mo and J-Box.



* The new season of Celebrity Rehab started and watching Janice Dickinson detox off benzodiazepines gives me the willies. How well I remember the feeling.

* I was totally stoked to get a xmas card this week from FatMarc. So totally stoked that I ordered some xmas cards too, for the 1st time in 5+ years.

* I have gotten acupuncture twice in 2 weeks for my asthma. The last breathing test was pretty awful, inducing an asthma attack with medicine. They determined that I do indeed have exercise-induced asthma and I am awaiting a call from my PCP. Ugh.

* I am already sick of rollers and my trainer.

* I am going back to triathlon in July, only it's off-road - XTERRA baby! And it's short. 1K swim, 10m MTB, and 5m trail run.

* Tis' the season for snowstorms and shitty travel, work is really fucking busy so I am outta here. Have a great week.

A blessing in disguise.

Month: September.
Year: 1996.
State: Ohio.
Charge: Felonious drug abuse.

I decided to leave San Francisco in August of 96. I was done. That city had chewed me up and spit me out. A guy I knew named Ira said he was driving to NYC and I could hitch a ride with him. I had gotten this bright idea in my head that I would go to NYC and get into treatment. I had been on the waiting lists in SF for so long, and I needed off the streets so bad.

The trip across the US is foggy. I remember stopping in Reno and I won money at the slots. I used one of the bathrooms to shoot up, we ate at a buffet, and then left.

We got pulled over in Utah. Something about the plates. Ira had a temporary tag, but on the front of VW bus. The cop let us go and we were back on the road. Whew! I had a lot of dope and pills on me.

I remember exactly nothing else until we got to Cincinnati. I called my Mom and she said we could stay "ONE NIGHT ONLY" and then we had to go. My poor Mom. She wasn't even all that happy to see me. I was a fucking wreck and she knew it.

The next day I got greedy and decided to stock up on more dope while we were in town. We went to my old hang out, The Sub Galley, and found a few people who knew where to get some morphine downtown. We got busted downtown, and I got taken into custody. I had needles on me. No dope though. They or'ed me and I was supposed to go back to court the next day.

I didn't.

Instead, Ira and I left town, heading to NYC, as planned. We were halfway out of the state when we got pulled over again. The temporary tags again! I knew I was fucked.

I had several syringes full of cooked up black tar heroin, all ready to inject. That's how I rolled. I'd just give it a quick shake and the liquid could be in my veins real fast. As the cops approached the VW bus, I shoved a bunch of pills down my throat, and jabbed a needle full of dope into my arm muscle. I knew it was over and I figured if I was going to jail, I might as well be fucked up.

The cops found everything. Once they called my name in, they also found the warrant for my arrest. I was totally out of it and don't really remember much about the arrest. An ambulance came. I was handcuffed to a hospital bed. Eventually I was taken downtown to the jail where they took my shoelaces so I couldn't commit suicide.

A blessing in disguise indeed. If this arrest hadn't happened, and we had made it to NYC, GOD only knows where I would be now.

Chrismikah is here and Batman is in the tree.

2010 race overview (more for me than for you):

One 14 mile trail run.
Five road races.
One 12 hour road race, solo.
Four crits.
One 6 hour MTB, as a 2 girl team.
Eight cyclocross races.

Twenty races total.

Two 3rd place podium a/g wins.
One 2nd place podium (my teammate gets all the cred).
Five 4th places.

I'll take it for my 1st year racing bikes.



I am feeling festive, happy even. Excited to share the holidays with my new husband, as a married couple. I was even more excited to find out I will be working the holidays (from home) for double time $$$$. Like, 12 hours all day. I am pretty stoked. Dominic caught a side job with Coach OB so things are looking up. Tax monies coming in soon to pay off bike parts. All will be well. It has to be.

I've been doing some intense indoor workouts w/o coughing. On Tuesday, I had some efforts scheduled on a 2 hour ride. I chose to do them on my rollers and there was a big sweaty mess to clean up when I was finished. That night I met Christa for some stair climbing in Crosley tower at UC. After 96 flights of steps, I was cooked. Killer workout. I've also been doing some core work. Planks. They hurt. Like, a lot. I get through them though. The outdoor workouts are not so great. I cough a lot. I coughed through a 3 hour ride on Sunday and then a 6 mile run on Monday. Not good.

Thank you for all of your comments, support, and feedback both good and bad. I take it all in, digest it, think about it, and then it's done. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders since I published that post, so it's all for the best.

Have a great weekend.