Disease of the mind, body and spirit.

Addiction.–nountrauma

noun-

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

I started going to the gym in 1998. I went with my then boyfriend, who was new in my life (and would be in my life for the next 9 years). He liked to lift weights, so I'd go and soak in the sauna. I was still detoxing from methadone and my legs ached all the time. The sauna was a nice solution. Then I ventured into the pool for a few laps of just playing around.

Later after the opiates were out of my system, I ventured upstairs and tried the machines out. The PreCor. Once I felt that release of endorphins, it was so on.

Within a few months I was doing step aerobics and kick boxing. A new obsession hit.

Basically what happened here is, I switched addictions.

Some people put down the bottle/pipe/needle and pick up a fork. I picked up a pair of running shoes instead and headed to the gym. It kept me focused and disciplined. I had OCD all over again.

Then I watched Permanent Midnight. It's a true story about the writer of that show ALF. Remember that show in the 80's? The writer was a flat out heroin addict/health nut/runner freak. I relapsed after seeing that movie. It was the summer of 99 and I was strung out, and working out.

TWO addictions. I HAD to get well and I HAD to get that 3 mile run in. INSANITY! One time I actually shot dope in the bathroom of Bally Total Fitness, before heading upstairs for a run!

WHO FUCKING DOES THAT SHIT?

An addict does.

It's a disease. It's a mental illness.

Now my obsession is bike racing. Criteriums and Cyclocross races are the closest I can get to feeling like I just stuck a syringe full of dope into my vein. Oh, and the Ironman finish? That was a high I will never achieve in this life again, I am pretty sure.

I am certainly a lot better off with my addiction to racing than when I was on heroin, obviously. The fact is that my addiction and my "ism's" all remain intact. My friends in AA and NA (THEIR obsession) are all spiritually better off than me and their addiction lay dormant.

I got an email from Selene Yeager at Bicycling Magazine. She's working on an article for Women's Health Magazine on addiction and exercise.

"The editors at WH are fans of Miles and Madness; and I'm sure our readers would be inspired by what you have to say. Would you be game for an interview for this feature?"

I basically shit myself. After a few emails back and forth, we are now very excited about this article. I am honored that she asked me to participate.

Pleasedeargod let me come up with something intelligent to say.

I got hitched at Interbike.

We arrived in Vegas on Sunday early afternoon. My friends Jeni and Darrin, from Cinti, picked us up at the airport. We headed to the courthouse and got the marriage license. It was quick and painless. A guy came out of this chapel across the street and gave us his number.



We stayed in Boulder City, NV the first two nights so we could be near the outdoor dirt demo. Jeni was the BEST Interbike tour guide.



Imagine being able to pick and choose from tons and tons of brand new bikes to test ride. ANY BIKE. It was like, the biggest fucking playground for adult bike dorks. That's about the only way to explain it. They had tons of trails and riding, dirt, road, CX, downhilling (via shuttle up the mountain), road biking, BMX pump track, literally, any kind of riding.



Here is a picture of us with our LBS owners, Wanda and Ron. They hooked us up, I gotta tell you. They always do. We love you guys like family! XO!

Note my knees. Big bang x2.


Jeni and Darrin on their first ride, out of who knows how many.



Our shop is a Raleigh dealer so we stopped in there to say hi to our rep and test ride some road bikes for Ron. Immediately this guy Kevin runs up and says he's a Drunk Cyclist reader and knows me by name! His girl Nomi is a reader too. How rad!!!

Nomi, me and Kevin


And this was the sick sick sick new Raleigh singlespeed carbon CX bike. Check out the "chain". Its a belt drive. There is a write up here if you want to read more.



Two whole days to ride bikes, bikes and more bikes.

I was all about riding different mountain bikes, front suspension, full suspension, ss, and rigid. My favorite bike was the Karate Monkey from Surly, set up as a rigid singlespeed that I held onto for most of day two. I even climbed a mountain on it with some Drunk Cyclist folks.



Surly had this kickass cargo trailer bike set up that can supposedly haul 300lbs. It would have been so rad to get married on the back of that thing. I loved the guys at the Surly booth. Such NICE guys. The only real assholes were at Sram (the mechanics were total pricks).



Apes riding bikes? No, just Dominic, wearing the infamous apesuit that made Velo News.




After riding bikes all day, we took off with DC freaks to a swimming hole in Lake Mead. It was a 45 minute drive and Dominic had his one and only hissy/nicotine (gum) fit. Once we got to the lake, we swam out to an island of monster truck tires. We were kicked out by lake cops within maybe 15 minutes. Wild ride!




Day two of the demo was so much freaking fun. It was a huge party, almost double the crowd. A pain in the ass to ride around people. I got knocked over while standing still on a too-big-for-me Fuji 9'er. Both knees were scraped and swollen. Dominic crashed and bruised two ribs trying to bomb down a hill on a Surly Pugsley.

Speaking of the Pugsley, the 3.8 fat tires were a huge hit in my book. This is called a FatBack. Nice guys from Alaska. One of them was actually from The Nati and knew a bunch of the bike folks from here.



The last two nights we stayed on the strip at The Venetian. Big pimpin'. That hotel in insane. It took us 20 minutes to get from the outside of the hotel to our room. We had 3 flat screen TV's in our suite, and five pools to swim in!

The one and only Gnome chillin' at the hotel pool.


The indoor demo was even more insane. Way too much to see. Shiny things everywhere. I kept losing Dominic, he had ADD all over the place. The bike displays were overwhelming at times.

These are just a few of my favorites.






Twin Six in the house! Brent, and Ryan. Two very cool guys.



A Twin Six bike!



Backward Circle bike company. No brakes? No problem.



Riding a Backward Circle fixie on that sweet track.



The wedding was just a quick stop on Wednesday after a day of seeing cool shiny stuff and a dip in the pool with Gnome and Dominic. I was all set with what I was going to wear, until Gnome said to me, "What's the nicest thing you have in your suitcase?" After that, I decided to go with a black sundress instead of a wife beater and cargo's.

Here we are signing the marriage certificate. Dominic looks slightly confused.



The ceremony was quick and painless. They shuttled us outside into The Tunnel of Love, in front of this lovely drive through window.



Dominic cried, and we both had permasmiles.



My wedding party.



After the ceremony we all went to a buffet in Old Vegas and chowed down on some food.

That night, CX VEGAS! I was sickened when I found out I actually could have raced with the wheelers and dealers.

Gnome, me and Dominic. T6 hooked us up with matching t's.


The last day we were there was a mad dash around to as many booths as we could get in. I ran into so many cool people.

Beth H. from PDX. A DC reader and supporter. XXOO BETH!!



Dominic met his childhood hero, Eddie Fiola, a BMX racer dude. Dominic cried (lost count now).



We had a blast at Interbike. Our first of many more to come, hopefully.

Here are a couple of videos to end the story. Thanks for reading!

The wind on top of the mountain.




CX Vegas! The Elite women.

Getting married at Interbike was the best idea ever.

Dominic and I had the most fun ever, between the dirt demo, meeting tons of bike friends, and the expo. Oh, and of course, the "wedding". I'll post pictures soon.




I have so much to be thankful for.

Happy

Low Brow and me.


The story is on.
Staci, the guy in charge, emailed me about 'cross. I did about an hour and a half of cx practice at Devou yesterday and he videotaped. It was a hard ass fucking workout, because of course I busted my ass for the camera. Total cheese.

Afterwards he interviewed me a little and when he left I went off to do my actual prescribed OB workout. Promptly got a flat. Determined to get my "real" workout done, I went home and got my road bike and went downtown and finished those intervals.

2011 TEAM
After my bike workout was finally finished, I went to meet up with a couple of guys from a NON sponsored cycling team called BSM. I saw them around at a few races this year and we know a lot of the same people. I saw they were recruiting, and they invited me over to hang out.

Doesn't this guy look like a fun guy to hang out with?


Sam lives downtown in a gorgeous loft. We hung out and talked on his balcony for nearly two hours. They drank beer (Christian Moerlein) and the conversation flowed. We all clicked. They are good guys with a great motto: “Cycle Good and do other stuff Good too.”

This morning I got this email:

BSM Management wants you on the squad, congratulations! Standout features include the strong effort you made to get on our radar, writing for a terrific blog about cycling, sharing a passion for promoting positive attitudes in the cycling community, and not being an exclusive ass towards other cyclists. Due to all of the above the BSM would like to officially extend an offer to join our team.

It's so on. Perfect fit. Girls, come on. I need more girls. The kits are gorgeous too.

VEGAS
It's been a crazy and hectic week! Dominic and I can't even think straight. We picked up our titanium wedding bands, borrowed carry-ons from friends, and Interbike passes. It's all becoming very real. We are psyched.

Notice that instead of saying "I", I say"we"?

Yea. It's like that. He keeps referring to me as his "almost wife". We giggle a lot.

ROOF
Finally, a new roof. I put it off for 8 years. Bring on the rain!

Wedding HYPE

Got the sweetest email this morning from my girl Julie, who's always got some supportive advice for me. I was stressing about Vegas, and the wedding, as I have been for the last few days (which is why I am blogging even though I am supposed to be taking a break).

Close your eyes and imagine what you feel you'll look like on your wedding day. Do you have a mad hairdo or is it just Judi in her adorable braids? Are you wearing makeup or do you look beautiful like you do every day? Keep that picture in your mind and stick to it. NO HYPE! No nervousness. Just you, genuine, and loving.

It's insane how easy I can get caught up in the drama of a fucking wedding. This week I went out and bought a dress. A hot little dress that looked really fucking good. I took it back within 12 hours. I started to get caught up in what shoes I would wear, if my toenails needed painted, (and is that even possible with the shape my feet are in?). I also wanted a new hair cut, eyebrow wax, massage...and on and on.

FUCK THAT.

I promised this would NOT happen. I pictured myself wearing whatever the fuck I happened to find in the suitcase that morning. I pictured my hair pulled back the way I wear it everyday. I pictured it being me and Dominic, natural, no pressure, no planning, no nothing.

Kinda like this.

Short break

Over on Drunk Cyclist this morning, there was a nasty comment towards me, using the term "gutterslut". Quickly I deleted it, embarrassed. That shit stings.

I obsessed over the comment during my 30 minute run that included 5x2min hill repeats. I put a lot of effort into those hills. Made myself feel a bit of vomit in the back of my throat a few times. I felt agitated afterwards, I still feel agitated as I type this.

I am trying to get into "happy" mode. We leave for Vegas in two weeks two days. It's time to look around and be grateful for Dominic and what we are about to do.

I am going to take a break from blogging and see what happens after Interbike.

Volunteering and Cheering at IMKY

I headed down to Louisville to volunteer for the Ironman Saturday after work. I was staying in the Webster's airstream but stopped downtown to see all the mdot madness first. Checked in with Sandi, wished her luck, and headed to the Websters. I love them!

Suzanne adopted Nani last summer so I am always excited to reunite with the little guy.



That night we had dinner with Sherri Thompson and Joan Hanscom. Joan is one of the directors of USGP - US Gran Prix of Cyclocross. She is going to put me to work this year. She's the only female race promoter around here (that I know of).

The USGP also pays out *** equal pay to both men and women **** and always has. So yea, it CAN be done.

It was a nice dinner with very cool bike people. * another confirmation that bikes is where i belong.


Suzanne, me, Joan and Sherri.


The next morning Lindsey, another CX racer we know, was also kayaking for the Ironman swim so we headed over together. After a good half hour of standing around in the dark watching the athletes wait in line for their time trial start, we got our kayaks into the river.



This was the 1st swimmer I saw and I was about .3 of a mile from the swim finish. This guy was fucking booking it. A good 4 minutes from the next swimmer.



Ok, so here is the IMKY swim in full affect (effect?) and yes, that is a kids boat they put me in.



Here I sit for 3 hours in a huge puddle of water, in a 50 dollar kayak. It was fun, but next year I am using Sandi's nice kayak.



Here are the lifeguards (a local swim team), all on paddle boards. I want that job next year. We all surrounded the last of the swimmers who were going to make the cut off. All of us cheered and one guy broke up, realizing he had finished the swim, thanking us. I broke down at that moment and was all VERKLEMPT and I told him he was going to "have an awesome day!".



Here is Lindsey in her kick ass kayak, probably dry too.



Ok, so after my volunteer duties were over, I chatted around the house with Suzanne and Lindsey and then got ready to ride. Team Louisville/Bike Cliques, which Suzanne recruits women and Steven recruits men for, had a ride scheduled at 1pm. I headed out with them.



Alrighty, 12 guys and me. Then another new girl showed up 15 minutes late. After a 25 minute briefing on where we were riding (avoiding IM course) and how we were expected to ride (double paceline, wheel to wheel), we finally left.



It ended up being an awesome training ride for me, since I don't ride "organized" with anyone. I felt fine, totally at home on Suzanne's road bike. * another confirmation that bikes is where i belong.



After the ride, I showered, said goodbye to my hosts and headed downtown to go find Sandi on the run course. I had my CX bike with me, perfect for hopping sidewalks and riding in the grass along side the runners.

I met up with Joan and Suzanne again downtown at the finish line for a few.



Here is Sandi about to cross the 13.1 of the marathon. She looked at her watch, appalled by her time, and started booking it. I followed along side her for a while and then lost her when she went downtown for the turn around.






She negative split her marathon by 5 minutes. That is incredible. She is a 3x Ironman now. The DNF rate for this race was 28% and ambulances were going off everywhere. She did it though!

The finish line at IMKY is always insane.



As I cheered on the runners, my voice cracked, I cried, yet had NO desire to sign up again. I knew going down there that I really didn't want it, at least not now or in 2011. This put my decision to rest. It will be there if I decide to come back to it.

Next year I am doing the Mohican 100 (a mountain bike race).

Anyone want to buy a nice Orca Wetsuit? Worn 3xs?