General Rant

Injuries Suck
Dominic's ankle is still sore. We tried to ride today and made it about 8 miles before he had to quit. He could ride real slow but anytime he put any speed into it, his ankle hurt so I made him stop. No ride today.


Neverending Yardwork
I had to make good use of my time so I did yard work instead. I swear I just mowed a week ago, I thought I could make it 10 days but no, the dandelion's were bugging me. I won't use weed killer in my yard so I have tons of them and they grow so fast. I don't really mind doing the work, but having to do it so often is what sucks. My backyard is just a wreck. No grass since Ari moved in. I am going to spread some grass seed and see what happens. There are pitiful patches of grass and that's it. It's very hard to mow. The deck needs to be stained too. Ugh.


My belly
I got sick last night and puked for no apparent reason, except maybe I was too full. I have been eating yogurt and hope to hell my belly is back to normal by race day which WHICH IS IN 4 DAYS! I am eating really light, not going to have much to eat tonight.


Work
They turned down my offer for Sunday nights working from home verses Wednesday nights in the office. I think my bosses hate me. I really do. They just won't allow me to work from home. Fuck, I wonder if they'll ever let me?


I bought a new planter for the front porch and look, it's already dying! Got too cold last night.

Swimming

I swam today. 100 laps which totaled 2500 meters. That was my only work out today. It felt good to be in the pool but I was so cold. The temps have dropped so much that I have not been able to get warm ever since.

I did 1500 meters of free and then alternated the next 1000 meters swimming breast, side and back strokes. The chick next to me was like super human. She was fast as shit, she lane and a halfed me in like 30 seconds. I kept watching her underwater, watching her strokes and she was just awesome. And I made sure she wasn't using any hand or feet flipper thingies. She used them for some laps, but mostly she just swam. She was awesome to watch. Her butterfly was beautiful too.

Help me out - I need new music that's gonna get me going.

I am trying to get my MP3 ready for the race. I am so sick of so much of the music I have but can't think of a single song I want to download right now. I just stuck in Amy Winehouse's CD Back to Black which is awesome. She is insanely talented but will probably OD before her next CD is out - sad. She is such a junkie.

"Back To Black"

I love you much

It's not enough

You love blow and I love puff

And life is like a pipe

And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside

We only said goodbye with words I died a hundred times

You go back to her And I go back to

Black, black, black, black, black, black, black,

I go back to I go back to

I go back to us

Monday's madness

Yea, tapering sucks. It's like coming down off drugs kind of. I guess that's a good way of putting it.


I did a short trail run in the same woods that the 50k Stone Steps is in and let me tell ya - I found the stone steps, and there aint no runnin' them! I couldn't seem to figure out my way around this loop so I ended up at the top of the steps. I ran down them and then turned around and ran back up them. Even my dogs were huffing and puffing. The steps are steep and straight up - and long. My hamstring that's been causing me so much pain was in agony, but I had a massage scheduled for tonight so it's all good.


My dogs were exhausted. They run a lot more when I run the trail, verses walking it. Like, Ari is full speed ahead the entire time and sometimes he gets too far ahead and I have to call him back so he is getting 2x's the exercise. When Lucy gets tired she stays right behind me, almost tripping me.


Speaking of my dogs - here is their PM meal tonight - turkey hearts, hard boiled egg, sweet potatoes, and left over grilled asparagus:




I have been eating whatever I want since Sunday pretty much. My stomach hurts. I keep thinking, well, I am running a marathon in 5 days so what the fuck - right? It is so bad, and bad food makes me feel like shit, so why do I eat it? My dogs get such a good diet and I try to eat a good diet too, at least 70% of the time. I sure do feel it when I eat crap food for more than a day or two. Ugh.


I cleaned my house after the run and then went downtown for my massage. She said my hamstring was hot, and I could feel heat when she touched it. It was almost tender, like it was bruised or something and it hurt like a mother fucker. Massage sometimes hurts when she's getting the kinks out, she rubs so deep. If you have had a deep tissue massage, you know what I am talking about. So anyways, she kept going over it, and over it, and somehow she got it feeling good. Normal. It'll be interesting to see how it feels when I run again. I am nervous this hamstring is pulled and I am getting ready to run a marathon like that.


I went to see Dominic at work tonight. He feeds me really well when I come in. Tonight I had salad and their most awesome balsamic, and a chicken sandwich and cheesecake. See? I NEVER eat cheesecake there but tonight I was like Fuck It.

Quicky post

I am going to Miami! I registered for Miami Man in November, doing the half IM distance. I am so excited. I don't know how I am gonna pay for it but who cares, right? Dominic is going with me and we're driving so he's taking his bike too.

Tapering really sucks. I feel fat, sluggish, tired and am missing my long runs so much.

Did weights for upper body this morning and am on my way to the woods for a quick 4 mile trail run.

5 days till 26.2!

Seven and Donations

Thanks to the people who donated towards my charity for my race. I really appreciate the support and Northcoast Dobe rescuers really appreciate the cash. They tend to take in the worst cases like this one:

Seven was found wandering the streets of Adams County. The dog warden picked him up and called NCDR. He had a broken leg and several lacerations as well as deep infection in his leg. The leg had to be amputated but he runs around just like a normal dog. I wish someone would adopt him. He has been in rescue for almost a year.

If you are interested in adopting Seven or any other NCDR Dobe, go here and fill out an application.

Marathon thoughts and work stuff

Work
And work drags on today. I have to work 5 hours tomorrow too. In the morning. Ugh. I offered to trade my Wed night shift for Sunday night if they'll let me work that shift from home. The boss said she'd discuss it. I really hope they hook me up.

One week one day till the marathon
I have a 6 mile run and two 3 mile runs this week and that's it till race day. I plan to swim and lift weights too. I like using Xavier's workout facility and pool. Maybe Dominic will come with me since his ankle is messed up and he can't ride. I have a massage scheduled for this Monday and the Monday after the race. My hamstring is sore and tight and I probably need a yoga class too. I don't know if I can fit that in anywhere.

I have raised about 400 bucks for Northcoast Dobe rescue. I would love to get more donations. If you are interested in supporting my charity, you can go here to donate. The amount does not matter: 5 bucks, 10 bucks, it all adds up.

I am psyched about the marathon. My goal last year was just to finish. This year I'd like to shave some time and finish in under 5 hours. My time last year was 5:19 but I stopped to take pictures, talk to people I knew, etc. My Mom likes to wait for me in Hyde Park square and she has a big neon sign with my name on it. I told her this year I will probably just run past her because I'd like to have a decent time.


Yea, I am psyched. 26.2 BRING IT.
Here is a picture of me at the finish last year. That's my Mom with me.

Another cyclist killed

Cyclist killed in Denver by a postal truck.

Summer in April

The weather is very summer like today but next week it's going back down in the 30's! YUCK! I hate this back and forth shit. I am ready to hit the pool and lay in the sun!

This morning I wore just a t shirt and shorts to run the dogs 5.5 miles and it was awesome. Ari is calming down in the hotter weather which is nice. They were hot and tired when we got home.

It's official. I am a size bigger. The pants I have on today used to hang on me. They fit like normal now - I am filling in the legs and butt but the waist is still the same fit. I guess that's not a bad thing, I don't know. I know my legs always blow up with weights.

I am debating whether or not to register for Miami Man (half IM) in November. I really love Miami and could make a vacation out of it. Dominic wants to go too, but he hates to fly. We could take off work and drive though. I have until April 30th to decide because the registration goes up after that and I won't be able to afford it. What to do?

Thursday's ramblings

It was in the 80's yesterday and warm enough to leave the windows open last night. The sun is bright and gorgeous. This particular spring is just better than other years. Obviously many changes have happened since this time last year.

• I kicked Rick out, the fucking piece of shit, my boyfriend of 9 years.
• I have a new job working 40 hours 3.5 days a week.
• I have race season to look forward to.
• Dominic.

Since we were in Indy on Tuesday I had a ton of crap to get done yesterday. I rushed around the entire day. I hate days like that.

I ran my dogs in the woods for 3 miles. It was a beautiful morning for a run - especially in the woods. More and more people are out and that means I have to be more cautious about my dogs being off leash.

My dog's freezer was pretty empty so I ran Nancy's dogs 4 miles. She'll be at dog shows next week so I had to get that in this week. It saves me so much money - raw meat in exchange for running. Plus the hotter weather is calming her dogs down enough that it's a bit easier running them.

I went to Kohl's so I could exchange a rug and I also bought some cargo shorts. Most of the shorts I wear in the summer are cut off jeans (I like them cut right above the knee) but the ones I buy in a store, I usually buy them big. I am going to have to accept the fact that I am bigger than last year. About a size bigger. I don't know if it's muscle or what but all my cargo capri's that I wear to work aren't fitting the same. The ones I have on today used to be huge on me - they still fit, but they aren't huge anymore.

After Kohl's I went and got my haircut. Love it. Hated that I had to spend an hour and 45 minutes inside while it was summer outside though.

Mowed my yard after my haircut and got the backyard all cleaned up for the dogs. I picked up a bunch of sticks and raked and mowed. I'll have to post some pictures tomorrow because blogs without pictures are boring.

We went to the gym last night and I did squats, quad press and the hamstring thingie. Dominic did chest though he isn't supposed to be trying to get bigger. We went down to the whirlpool afterwards so he could soak his ankle but it was closed and the jets were off. He was so pissed - he actually went off on the kid at the front desk. That isn't like him at all.

Dominic's ankle is fucked. I am worried that he may have torn his Achilles tendon. If you watched the video in my last post, you can hear him yell when it went out. That's why he couldn't go very fast. He wants to rest it for a week before he sees a DR.

Track racing

The Major Taylor Velodrome was so fun. We had the track all to ourselves. One of the coaches watched Dominic ride. He has no fear on a bike. He was up on the wall within his first lap on the track and this was our first time there. The coach said he could easily be in Cat 3 racing right now, so I guess that's good. I think Dominic has a special talent and can take this far, if he wants. Today's trip got cut short when he blew out his ankle again. If you watch this video, you can hear him yell when it pops.

A missed run, off to Indy

It's going to be like mid-70's today and sunny. Me and D are off to the velodrome in Indy. I am totally psyched.

I wanted to get in a 5-6 mile run early this morning and I got up, had a massive headache, but got all ready to run anyways. Ran out the door with the dogs and with every step my head was just thumpin'. So I stopped. I ended up walking the dogs for about 45 minutes and came home. I hate this feeling I get in my stomach for missing a run.

Later.

Tired and tapering

Took that picture on my 13.1 miler Sunday. It was sunny and cool when I started so I wore knit PI arm warmers. It never got warm and then it started raining a tiny bit. I ran slow because I took 4 long hills that killed my left hamstring. I ate a ton of junk food after that run and felt like shit for the entire night. I have just 1 week and 5 days till the marathon and I am totally psyched. I feel ready.

Hey, I wonder how Boston went? I haven't been online all day.
**update - I see Lance ran it in 2:50, just read about that in RW. Blah blah blah. I would like to see him do a triathlon next. LOL.

Today I did upper body at the gym, my usual stuff. Layed around in the sun at Dominic's watching Bruno shake the shit out of a rope toy.


Later I met my friend Nancy at East Fork lake with my dogs and we ran 4 miles in the trails. I loved it. Trail running is awesome. We ran on mntn bike trails and I guess it was a "single track trail" that Julie, Phun, and Harp are always talking about. We saw 3 mntn bikers, they were totally serious, like all 3 wearing their matching outfits, I guess they were part of a team. They weren't too happy to see 2 Dobes running loose but my dogs came right to me and I held their collars till they passed. They didn't say hi either. Nancy tripped on a root and her ankle is swollen and sore. I hope she can still run the Pig.



After the run the dogs were hot and tired so I took them down to the lake. Ari acts like an idiot in the water. Both stunk afterwards so they got baths outside when we got home.

Back muscles

$$$ Problems

What the fuck is going on with the economy? Give us a fucking break already!

I just got rang up at Walgreen's by a cashier who had had to be in her mid-70's. At the grocery store, in the deli, I was waited on by a woman who had to be in her late 70's and was so slow and old I just let her give me the deli meat they already had sliced up. My Mom is 71 and is still working part time but she has a pretty cushy job at her synagogue in the office. It's so sad. They should all be retired, living the rest of their lives out comfortably, not working in some shit job.

My job isn't looking good. I work for a travel agency in the after hours department and our calls have decreased so much they are asking us to switch our weekday hours for more weekend hours. I already work all day on Saturday and do not want to give up my Sundays! I see some lay offs coming on soon.

Dominic's job isn't looking good either. The restaurant he helped open last summer may be tanking. He doesn't want to switch jobs yet because they are being so flexible with his race schedule this summer.

I am just sick of worrying about money. I am over it. I am sick of debt, sick of the rich fucks who keep getting richer, and sick of hearing about how much the economy sucks.

I just want, for once, to not have to worry about money. I wonder if that will ever happen.

Warning - digusting nature

College kids today are way fucked up.

Earthquake's and running

The dogs were up early. They either have spring fever or they felt the earthquake that hit the mid-west at about 5am this morning. I didn't feel a thing. My alarm goes off at 7:15 but I woke up at 6:45 when Ari started his early morning singing. I opened my eyes to find Lucy staring at me while curled up in a ball next to my head. I layed in bed till 7am and got up. It's light out so early now that they are ready to go earlier and earlier as summer gets closer and closer.

I took them for a 5.5 mile run. That makes for 31.5 running miles for the week. The weather was nice. All I wore was a light sweatshirt with some PI tights. I think I can put my thermal tights away now. Yay.

So about this earthquake - did any of you in Chicago feel it? I am bummed I didn't feel it. My co-worker who lives about 4 miles from me felt it, and his dogs were all woooooo-wooooooin' when it was happening. He had pictures come off the wall too. My dogs didn't do shit. Aren't animals supposed to sense these things?

Thinking about quakes - I was in one 2 weeks before the big one hit in San Francisco in 1989. Fuck has it been that long? I remember I was in a hotel room with one of my old boyfriends and we were doing crystal meth. I had no idea what was going on, he just pulled me in the bathroom. It felt like the people above us were throwing furniture around or something.

Running for Rescue

In 2 weeks and 2 days I will be running Cincinnati's Flying Pig marathon. I am running for Doberman Rescue, NCDR. I have raised some cash but not a whole lot. I hope that YOU will donate to my cause.

Northcoast Doberman rescue is a 501(c)(3) so your donation is tax deductable.

Click here to send some cash.

Thanks.

This sucks

Cops in New Orleans shot a Doberman in his own backyard. The dog is dead. What the fuck? The dog couldn't have been any sort of threat because he was recovering from surgery! How can shit like this happen???

The link to the article is here and if you want to tell the NOPD just how shitty you feel about it, you can write or call:

NOPD715 South Broad St.
New Orleans LA
(504) 821-6673

OR

NOPD - Public Integrity Bureau
1118 N. Rocheblave St.
New Orleans LA 70119
(504) 658-6100

UPDATE ***** The cop that shot the dog might be in trouble. They found 8 shell casings and the dog had spinal surgery 6 weeks prior - no way could he lunge. And I can't believe only one person commented on this!

"NOPD Superintendent Warren Riley is asking the Public Integrity Bureau to review a recent incident surrounding a dog shooting by an NOPD officer."

Read the story.

Would you?

I want to do this triathlon in June. It's held in downtown Cincinnati and the swim is in the Ohio River. Taken from the race website:

Like other major urban triathlons that have their swim in a river, there is a possibility that bacteria levels might (emphasize might) make the river unsuitable for our swims. Most typically this is caused by rain upstream of the swim. Our testing program will monitor water conditions and quality and as soon as we know you will know. In the unlikely event levels exceed safe standards we will, under no circumstances, go ahead with the swim.

Bacteria? I know USAT is supposed to have our backs on this issue but I have heard otherwise. I could wear a wetsuit if the temps allow it. That won't help the water that I swallow though. I really want to race in June and this is the only race that I can find that is convenient.

Would YOU swim in this river?

Spring is here

I have managed 11 hours of training the last 4 days! I am glad to be back at work tonight so I can rest!

I just love the spring weather (60's and bright sun) and I want to be outside all day. Yesterday was really busy, but I managed to get in 4 miles running and a 35 minute weight workout of shoulders, biceps and abs. Dominic cooked for me last night. Meatloaf. Can I just tell you I grubbed? It was the best fucking meal I have had in weeks. I had 2 servings, plus ice cream and zebra cakes.

We watched this documentary on marathon runners and it was pretty cool. I wish I had taped it so I could watch it again. I cried when they passed the finish line. I don't know why - it's not like I get emotional over stuff like that, maybe it was hormones, who knows.

I ran 7 miles with the dogs early this morning. Ari thinks this is the time to have a scavenger hunt. He's constantly eating stuff off the ground, like bread or donuts. He's got Lucy doing it too. We did some big hills and my hamstring felt better.

After the run I went to Dominic's and we got ready to ride. We rode 30 miles and had a good time. He makes me work hard. Dominic is all about speed, he's a sprinter. He got up to 40mph today. He expects me to sprint too and he'll come up behind me and yell SPRINT and I try, but I am just not all that fast! I feel bad cuz I am slowing him down but he loves riding with me, he says.

Here are a couple pix of us messing around after our ride.

Dominic's dogs

Monday miles and stuff

Today I went to the gym in the morning with Dominic. We did about 35 minutes of chest, abs, and triceps. His ankle is way fucked up, he's been hobbling around in an air cast for over a week now. So he can't ride, and he confided that me riding with club guys makes him sick in his stomach. He is not a jealous or possessive guy either. I am just hanging out with him, trying to figure stuff out in my head.

After the gym I headed to Miami Whitewater trail. The trail is 7.8 miles and I planned to run it twice for 15.6 miles. I felt pretty good, ate eggs, toast and a protein shake. I didn't want to fuck up another long run without proper nutrition so I ate to my heart's content last night - Paad thai with chicken and about 6 of those 100 calorie packs of junk.

I love Miami Whitewater. I did all my long runs on this trail last year but haven't done any this year. I kept thinking about when I did this same run with my friend Mendy. It was awful. I puked from drinking too much water and her feet bled so bad from blisters that her bright white running shoes turned bright red from blood all over. That night I puked all night. Later I learned about gels and Gatorade. BIG DUMMY.

This time I felt awesome. I was clocking miles under 10 minutes easily and ended up finishing the first lap in 1:15. Went to the car for a Hammer gel and some water and then got started on my 2cd lap. I felt strong, a tad sore from doing squats yesterday, but a good kind of sore, ya know? The trail is nice and flat so that was a nice switch from all the hills I have been doing. The miles flew by and before I knew it I was done.

Total mileage 15.6 in 2:31 average 9.67. Gettin' there. I'll never be Jen or Mary, but I like my progress thus far.

After my run I had an acupuncture appt which I love. The shit is just wonderful. It saves me. I wish I could afford to go more often but I can't. Once a month I go in and get a bunch of bunch of needles in my arms, legs, head...she works on whatever I need, whether it's my hamstring or my anger. I feel like it gives me a little bit of balance. I have been going for 2 and a half years and my acupuncturist is like my therapist. I tell everthing. She is cool as shit. I strongly encourage acupuncture to everyone.

I need an "off" switch

I declared it a "nonrunning" day. My legs needed a break before the 15 miler tomorrow.

I got up early and went to an Ashtanga Yoga level II class. It was about an hour and 15 minutes. I started class after talking to a very good friend of mine from years ago. I just found her on My Space and we finally talked on the phone this morning. She is also an x junkie and now has 4 years clean. She was as bad as me. She thought I was dead and she said she cried when she saw my email. Anyways, I was feeling very emotional in Yoga. They say that can happen anyways, so it was all good. At the end of the class we did handstands which I love, and the last 10 minutes of the class are spent in Savasana, also called "corpse" pose. I have a problem just laying there like that, all I ever do is think about all the rest of the stuff I have to do.

After yoga I headed over to Xavior University to swim laps. I hadn't swam in 4 months, since the pool at Bally's fried my hair. I could work out in their gym and swim in the pool for 10 bucks all day so I also went to the weight room. I did a bunch of 'legs' stuff - squats, plie squats, quads, ham curls, and then did 'back'. After an hour of weights and feeling old weird lifting with a bunch of college kids, I went to the pool. I swam 3000 meters total.

The first 1500 meters I did freestyle the whole time. My time sucked! 37:38 or something. Damn I am gonna be slow in the water! I thought I was doing 30 minute miles last winter but I think I was estimating the wrong distances. Last summer I wasn't the fastest but I did pass people in the water. I feel like I am gonna be DFL this year with swim times like today!! Anyways, the next 500 meters I did side stroke, then 500 of free again, then 250 of back stroke and 250 of kicks only. I need to get faster. Swimming comes easily to me and always has. Just give me some speed!

The dogs were really far up my ass when I got home, so I took a shower, ate some food and took them to the woods. The weather really sucks. Cloudy, cold, like 39. Rainy. We walked for about an hour and it was muddy. I am cold and tired now.

Here is a video from the hike but I have to warn you to turn the volume down cuz my voice is loud and annoying while yelling at Ari.

Saturday chatter

It was gray and ugly out this morning but not real cold, 47 degrees. Windy. I took the dogs 4 miles before work. I fell within the first 1/2 mile. Scraped up my knee some. I also dropped the dog's leashes. They both come running over to see if I was ok. Ari was worried. He stayed by my side for the rest of the run, not even stopping to pee on anything.


Mileage for the week:
Running - 36
Riding - 52 plus 2 spinning classes (just thought I'd throw that in)


And I had donuts for breakfast.


In other news, I ordered some sandals off Ebay and they sent the wrong pair.
These are what I ordered:

They sent me the wrong shoes, so I had to send those back today. I hope they send me the right shoes and it doesn't turn out to be too much of a pain in the ass. Though I looked at my feet today and I just don't see how I am going to be able to wear sandals this year. My feet are a fucking mess, 3 of my toenails have turned black and one has fallen off. I know if I go and get a pedicure I'll be embarrassed.


I am at work today and my co-worker brought her 9 year old kid in. Every time I cuss I have to give the kid a quarter. Right now I am down a dollar and I have only been here 2 hours. I am just not talking for now.

Sucks to travel right now

I hope you aren't going to be flying this weekend. The FAA has decided they want to inspect M80's and American has canceled over 3,000 flights this week.

WTF is this about? All I know is that this is making my job as an after hours corporate travel agent kinna hard. Flights are sold out. People are stranded. Hotels are sold out.

Ugh.

Calling all triathletes

Check it out - wanna be on TV?? Triathlon reality show - could you imagine the drama? There would be a ton!!

Got this email:

It doesn't matter is you are fast or slow, a newbie or an old vet, if you love the sport of triathlon and are up for the ultimate challenge, then we want to hear from you. We are casting for television's first triathlon based reality show to be shot this Summer over a 3-4 week period. Contestants will be coached by the best pros in the industry as they compete, train and live in our custom, triathlon village. Send us a picture, and tell us a little about yourself, and you never know you might end up on TV! Thanks tricasting@sbcglobal.net

I am mad

Well he's not in too big of a hurry to hang out with me. He was home last night by 8pm and he's on his way home from work now. Is he coming to see me? Nope.

You'd think after that big ass fight and all the drama he'd at least want to see me sometime - fuck!! his house is only 3 miles from mine!!

I guess this is the kind of shit I have to look forward to if I try to "work this out".

Are you an Athlete?

Cool article I found on My life in bikes:

What does it mean to be an athlete? How are you competitive?

It is an exciting time to be a woman who uses her body to express her
freedom, spirituality and self. It is the time to believe in possibilities, to
believe in greatness and to pursue dreams. It is a time when alliances are
being formed, and the world is opening up to us as women.

Read the rest here.

Thurday's madness

It didn't rain. We ran a 10K route, 6.2 miles, me and my Dobes. It was 50 degrees and cloudy. I guess tomorrow it's supposed to rain but get up to 76 degrees. Then back down to 49 for the weekend.

Ok, enough of the weather reporting.

The run was good, it felt good. I am mad at myself for not getting in my mileage this week. Even if I run again on Saturday it will be 36-37 miles or something for the week. I start tapering this week. I plan to do a 15 miler this coming week and then a 13.1 miler 2 weeks before the race. Those are my last 2 long runs. I can't believe the race is less than 4 weeks away!

I am still planning on doing the Stone Steps 50K in October and the race coordinator emailed me that they are doing a training run on Memorial Day. I plan to do part of that training run, maybe just 20 miles. We'll see. My friend Nancy might also do it with me.

Not much to report as far as my drama with Dominic goes. He built a unicycle at the bike shop last night and took it for a ride down the street, down a big ass hill (I swear he thinks he is still 14 sometimes). He crashed it and jumped off the bike, and did a "tuck and roll". His temporary crown fell out and he busted up his ankle. Today the ankle is swollen and he can't walk on it. And he has to bartend tonight. So he spent 57 bucks on an air cast. He also went back to the dentist this morning to have the temp crown put back in. You know what's funny? He didn't even know it was a temp crown until I told him that yesterday.

I got a text at 2am that said:
Honey I just woke up 2:30. My ankle is killing me
Im so stupid. I don't want to lose u. We r going to
make this work

And the saga continues.....

Last night I had a few more "Im sad" text messages but that's it. And Julie, yes he is a Drama King, big time.

This morning I had planned to do weight lifting because I didn't get to it the other day, and I also wanted to run some miles. I went to pick up some more meat for my dogs at this turkey processing plant and then went to the gym. I asked the front desk lady how to go about having Dominic's membership taken out of a different checking account which they said they could do, they just needed the account info.

So you know I called him to tell him this and he starts crying on the phone. He is yelling at me too but crying and I could really tell he was a mess, like me.

So I end up telling him I gotta go, neither one of us are getting anywhere. I head upstairs to the weight room. I did "back" - maybe 12 sets total and was heading to the Smith machine when I saw him.

Yea Dominic showed up there at the gym (he lives a mile away). He looked as bad as me. We talked for a long time. He cried. I cried. He claims he cannot be with anyone else ever, that I am it. He says he can't throw "us" away. But he also has responsibilities at home. I can't get around it. He wants to go back to dating. He wants to try and make it work. How, I don't know.

I just don't fucking know.

And I never got my run in which means I have to do it in the rain tomorrow before work.

Busy Tuesday, sucked ass

Thank so so so much for your comments! They put a smile on my face for a few minutes, ya know? Thanks for reading. For real.


I did keep busy today, running around doing errands. A lot of them. Bought a new camera. It's a Nikon Coolpix 8mp. It was so cheap! 139.00! I can't believe how cheap they are now.


I ran Nancy's dogs. I couldn't run 2 of them, too hyped, they got a half mile walk. The rest of her crew got a mile so that's 3 miles (6 dogs). Glad to get it over with. I really don't like going there much anymore.


I took 2 spinning classes at my friend Emily's gym tonight. They were tough and I sweat a lot but I'd have rather been outside. My friend even wears cycling shoes for spinning but won't get a bike. I am trying to convince her to get a road bike. Em is my best friend from the 7th grade. Here is a pic of us from last winter (bowling w/ Dominic and her husband Gino).



Emily is the best. She rearranged her schedule to keep me busy tonight, and she knows I'll say yes to any form of exercise. The 1st class I got going pretty good, I did sweat a ton. I was totally ready for a 2cd class no problem. I was getting hungry though. After the classes were over we went to a pasta place up the street. I didn't feel that hungry when we got our food. I really have no interest in food. Sucks. Eating was what Dominic and I loved doing best. He had never met someone like me that could eat so much and enjoy food so much. All his old g/f ate like birds. We had cheat day every Tuesday and today I just didn't give a shit.

After dinner I came home, sad as shit, so I called him. I needed to hear from Dominic's mouth that we were done. Needed closure. I called his cell, he didn't pick up. I got mad. Left a message to call. When he called back 15 minutes later he said some really horrible things to me, and after 10 minutes of that I gave up and hung up. He really feels the pressure of time spent with me and time spent with his family. That's about all I can say. I don't want to go over it in my head.

He sent me some text messages after I hung up, one like this:

Judi, Im deeply in love with u. but how does that
fix things? what am i supposed to do? How am I
supposed to go through life without you? I am doomed.

What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean? He made it clear on the phone he will not be moving out of there anytime soon. He led me to believe that we would, and soon - when he really cannot. The dogs, he says. Then he sends that fucking text? I don't see a way of making this work. I just do not.

I am so done. Tired. Pissed. Don't I look pissed? Sunburned too.

Tuesdays suck ass now

So I was xanaxed out and asleep with the lights out by 9:45pm last night.

This morning I had a text from Dominic sent at 10:15pm:

I have 2 get my stuff wednesday.
Gonna ride a century on the loveland
trail gotta fix my head. Don't want
2 c your house on a tuesday. 2 painful
get the rest wed

So I boohoo'ed all morning in the woods with my dogs and called my best girlfriends and boo-hoo'ed some more. I know this must be getting old for you, sorry.

Yes, am going to stay busy but not with a massage or a wax (I hate spa's). Boring errands this afternoon, have to take my lawnmower in cuz it's that time of year. I am also going to lift weights at the gym since I know Dominic won't be there. Got to buy some protein powder and a new camera. Going to run Nancy's dogs. Meeting my friend for 2 back to back spinning classes at the gym and then dinner with her.

Thanks again for reading, and thanks for your comments.

22 in the sun

Last night I ate a wheat bagel with cream cheese and salami. That's about it. Then I got up for a long run this morning and had 3 egg whites and that's it.


We had beautiful spring weather, it got up to 72 and was sunny. It was so nice out (but I didn't wear sunscreen and now I am totally sunburned on my face and have a nice farmer's burn on my arms).

I met Nancy around 11am and we got going. I felt perfectly fine, we were running about 10 minute miles, just cruising along. The 1st 5 miles was fine, but it was getting warm. It's been forever since I have run in warm weather and sun. I ate a banana and a ShotBlok after 5 and grabbed my water bottle. We took the 2cd lap around and we were feeling good, the sun felt good but hot. We just rocked out on our MP3's a bit, singing out loud. After the 2cd lap I had a Hammer gel and more water.


I have to interrupt this part of the run story because at this point, my cell phone had a voicemail from Dominic (I checked my cell while looking for water in my car). All it was, was him telling me he got his cell phone moved into his own account (we had the same plan, two phones) and that he was still working on the gym membership (his $ comes out of my account). I called him back, he answered, we talked for a few, he asked me about my ride yesterday. He laughed when I told him I rode w/ club guys. He asked about the ride some and we bullshitted for a few, but it's down to the last bit of our business together. He has one more pile of stuff to pick up and then we will be done. So very sad. Very sad I am. I am just aching, for real.


Ok, so then I got mad after the phone call, and my 3rd lap around I just cried while I ran. Nancy was cool, she just let me do my thing. I just kept running and thinking, why oh why! but was running on empty. I was just drained. The sun was burning my face and I had white shit all over me. I needed some G2 but all I had was my Hammer electrolyte mix. I drank that after the 3rd lap and felt a little better, just ready to get this run OVER WITH.

On the last lap around Nancy started asking me about my heroin abuse. She knows some but much. I spent the next 40 minutes blabbing away and that got me out of my head, remembering the worst days in SF. It helped bring me back to the here and now and made me thankful to be healthy, athletic, and not strung out on drugs.

At about 2 miles from the end I had to walk. I had nothing left. We walked for about 3/4 of a mile. Then we turned our music on for the last 1.25. I think Bad Mamagama came on. Finally made it back. We heard this 5 mile course was actually 5.3 (it used to be a 6 miler but they did some work on the course) so we figured about 22 miles including the walks to to the car.


I ate 3 cheese coney's and a thing of chocolate donuts after my run and G2 and 2 diet cokes BTW.

My Mom came over tonight and took me shopping at Kohl's. Retail therapy and xanax. I bought a comforter for my 2cd bedroom, a rug that doesn't work and is going back, and 3 pairs, yes 3 pairs! of sandals. If you go to the bra department, there are racks and racks of beaded sandals like this pair which I did buy:


I will wear these with my usual cut offs and wife beater tank, my summer uniform.


So, thanks for all your comments and concerns over this break up. You have no idea how much those comments help, so please continue. I promise my blog won't be as boring soon, after some healing. I am very very empty and sad and just bluck. Tomorrow is the 1st Tuesday since August 14th I will spend alone. Tuesday's were the only day off Dominic and I had together. They were so special to me.

P.S.

I still haven't eaten, it's almost 8pm. Just protein shakes and Hammer gels. I think this break up is gonna make me skinny.

Group ride - 52 miles

What a trip!!

Today I rode with a group called Gears 4 Beers. I found them online last summer but never rode with them. They ride wayyyy on the other side of the city which is about a 35 minute drive for me. I was on their email list last year and made a couple friends (guys) that I stayed in touch with off and on. I met David at his house (on the Loveland bike trail) and pumped up my tires there (my new pump is on the way, thanks Julie).

I was happy to be able to squeeze my bike in the back of my car and not use my bike rack. You have to understand I haven't ridden with anyone except Dominic in 8 months. We used his vehicle, his tools, he tuned my bike up, did everything for me. I was nervous that I wasn't even gonna be able to put my front tire back on. I know - I am so lame, don't bother to comment on that. I already contacted the Mobo bike co-op for their hours so I can learn how to do all that shit.

It was warm and sunny. I wore 2 long sleeved running shirts and my PI knickers. I felt good. Not too hot, not too cold. And I wore a helmet and no music!!

So anyways, there were 3 groups, about 25 -30 cyclists. I have never ridden with so many people. I was nervous at first, especially waiting in the parking lot. I hate large groups of people I don't know. David was wanting to do about 50 miles. Gig, my other friend, was doing a 78 mile route. We all road the same route for a while. I was in the last group with 4 other women and David for a while. The women were pretty nice, one particular named Bobbi. My bike was handling like a dream on those country roads. We didn't encounter too many cars and I was not nervous at all, like that ride in traffic I did a couple weeks ago.

You know these guys were kicking my ass!!! We were riding in headwinds, and maintaining 18 or so. The first two groups were so freaking fast they were gone. I bet they were in the 24-25 range. They were also your typical cocky cyclists, ya know? One of the reasons I didn't ride with them last year.

Later, after a stop at UDF, there was about 8 of us for about 10 miles. I was keeping up doing about 18-21 everytime I looked. (FYI - My computer is a cheap one, doesn't have cadence or even average speed.) The last 10 miles or so it was just Bobbi, David and I. Bobbi's a bit older but in terrific shape. I liked her.

This ride was really fun. 52 in 3 hours miles felt good. I wish I could keep up with the 25mph guys but no, I cannot. Dominic could, but we never rode with other cyclists cuz Dominic always wanted to race everyone. And he hated club cyclists.

Anyways..........

Not on the topic of my ride:

1- Tonight I am just keeping busy. The natives are restless. Whenever it gets warm, the drug dealers across the street get the bass thumpin' and dobe boys are out cookin' up BBQ. I am going to clean my house and download some TSOL (thanks Faticus)


2- Pix - I had an old Sony cybershot 4mp camera, and when I met Dominic, I just used his Canon 8mp, which he took with him last week. I found my old camera but dropped it this morning and I think it's broken. I am going to get a new one this week. Until then, here is an old pic of Cheeko and I at the dog park taken in 2001 (cuz blogs w/o pics are boring). All those tattoos are now removed from my left arm. Spent about 5K getting them lasered off.

Heartache and dating

It's been so slow today at work. A long shift 10a-10p with nothing to do except help a stranded traveler here and there, and fuck around online. My mind is wandering. I need to get out and be physical to keep my mind from playing tricks on me. The addict in me wants to be numb. I have had butterflies in my stomach since yesterday. It's called anxiety.

I am just so sad, the night is dragging on, and all I can think about is that I lost the one guy in this world that understood me, did not judge me, loved me from head to toe, inside and out, scars and all. How could he just leave like that? How could he? How could he throw away the most perfect relationship? What happened to "I will love you forever"?

We texted yesterday about the rest of my stuff at his house and his key. I told him I'd leave his key on my porch with the rest of the crap he forgot to take (belt, baseball hats, a backpack, battery charger). I asked him to bring me all my stuff, which includes leftover parts from a bike I bought to build mine. I guess he'll leave it all on the porch. When I get home I'll probably have a big crying episode when I see it.

Last night when I was typing up the post I wrote before this one, he texted me that he didn't want us to hate each other. I texted him back that he had just broke up with me, it would a long time before we could be friends. Then he said he was sorry to bother me. I mean, what the fuck does he want? He is the type of guy that has no enemies. Everyone loves him. He is friendly with all his x girlfriends. If he could be friends with me, I guess he isn't hurting like I am.

Oh gosh and the love songs... If I have to hear Buck Cherry's "I'm sorry" one more fucking time I am going to break something. Mine and Dominic's songs were "The way I am" by Ingrid Michaelson and Billie Holiday's "What a difference a day makes". Both of those need to be deleted from my MP3 ASAP. I think I will puke if I have to hear them.

Funny, when I change my status to "single" on My Space, I get all kinds of freaky friend requests, like this guy (I mean come on, Journey?). It's fun to sit around and make fun of these idiots while I hit the "deny" button.

I have to tell you, last summer I did a lot of internet dating via My Space and Match.com and it sucked so bad. I don't want to date, but part of me is freaking out about being alone for the rest of my life. Look at me, I am 37, never been married, no kids and I don't go to bars.

And God help you, my readers, if I start dating again. LOL.

The break up

I felt like I needed to get this off my chest.

We met via a bike shop. He taught me how to clip into pedals 4 days before a race. Within 3 hours of meeting me he told his friend he had met the female version of himself. We were both x-addicts turned into wanna-be-athletes. He came over and tuned my bike up the day before my race. The next week we rode 65 miles. The next night he called and asked if I wanted to hang out. We ate ice cream at UDF and talked until 1am. He said the nicest things to me, and called me "beautiful girl". He waited 3 weeks to kiss me. He opened the door for me everytime. He told me he could not live without me. We connected in a way I have never connected to anyone.

Now he's gone.

I broke my dating rules to date Dominic. He lived at his Mom's house. That was a huge no-no for me. This guy was worth it, I told myself. He went to live with her to get sober 4 years ago and he and his dogs got settled and never left. He handed over his paychecks to her, though she worked full time too. I did not like that. It made me uncomfortable. They made me uncomfortable. They fought like an old married couple. I told him within a couple weeks of dating he needed to cut the cord. His Mom loved me, thought I was the best thing that ever happened to him, but she gave him so much shit for being away from home too long. He needed to be there to help her with the dogs, etc. I wanted to live with him, build a life with him. He just doesn't want to leave his Mom and the dogs. If he really wanted a life with me, he would have made it work. Somehow, someway.

So now I am fucking MAD.

FUCK DATING!!

I am going to train my fucking ass off.

I am going to be stronger, faster, harder.

This week I will stay busy:

Sunday - 50 mile ride with a group of guys who have been bugging me to ride with them but I never would because I wanted to ride with Dominic. I might run afterwards too.
Monday - run 20 miles with Nancy again.
Tuesday - AM upper body weights, swim 3000 meters, 2 back to back spinning classes in the evening with my best friend Emily. Then we're having dinner somewhere.
Wed - Run 4 with my dogs and run Nancy's dogs 4 miles, then back to work.

Fuck it all. Life is sucking pretty bad right now.

Running can help a break up

It was warm this morning, mid 50's. But it was drizzling some. I listened to the rain most of the night last night since I didn't sleep that well. I decided to run the 5.5 route with the dogs. I needed to run. I needed to feel some relief in my head. I needed to think. The run felt good, I wished I could have run farther. 5 miles is a tease it seems.

When I came home from work last night Dominic's bikes and stuff were gone and he left his key on the counter. He broke up with me. It was a fun 8 months though. I don't want to go into details, but I did need to mention it.

Mileage for the week 44.3.

Another cycling accident - Greensboro

I found this over on Drunk Cyclist - had not heard about it until now. Chick is driving and texting at the same time and hits a cyclist commuting home from work. He had a reflective vest on and blinking lights and a helmet. She got a fucking citation. WTF????

Read about it here.

One thing

Why does my soulmate have to be a mama's boy?

A showing

Someone is coming to look at my house this morning. This is the 1st showing. I am a bit aggravated at my agent though. I had to take 2 hours off without pay to be here, the dogs are loose all day so someone has to be here if they want to see the house. So annoying!

This is a pic of the house from like 2 years ago in the spring. Isn't it cute?

More miles and weights

I ate so much crap food yesterday while Dominic slept so this morning I got up and ran the dogs 6 miles. I just felt so crappy. I got a lot of sleep and that felt good, but I have a hard time just laying around the house and that's all I did yesterday from 3pm on. The sun was out this morning for the 1st time since last week. It was still cold though. I am ready for spring. I see all the buds on the bushes, the grass is greener, it's coming, but it's sllloooooowwwww!

Our run was nice, the dogs behaved. My legs and ankle felt good. My toenail is hurting though. I ordered a pair of Brooks online and wore those instead of my Asics. I am going to alternate between the two and see which ones are the best for me.

After my run I went to the gym and did shoulders, triceps, biceps, back, and then I did some regular squats (butt to heel) and plie squats 4x's. I was in the weight room for a good hour and a half. The sun was still shining so instead of running on the treadmill, I did a 3.5 mile run outside the gym, all around that neighborhood. I just can't be inside when the sun is out.

After the gym I went home and worked in the yard. I cleaned up dead leaves and I also cut down my big grass bush so new grass can grow in. I let the dogs out front with me for a while, but Ari chased a cat 2xs, so back inside they went. I picked up sticks in the backyard and just kind of made a list in my head of what all I need to make it looking nice again. I love working in the yard. I just hate when it's a muddy mess.


On a totally unrelated note - here is a picture of me with Cheeko in 2005 in a nursing home I used to take him to. He was a certified working Therapy Dog and we volunteered for 5 years. He was such a good dog. I miss him.

Dental Drama

Awww, my poor man. Dominic's passed out now. We made it back from the dentist. He had his mouth worked on today and he is so out of it. His appt was at noon. He worked a 15 hour shift at the restaurant last night and slept in till 11am. We got to the dentist's office right on time. I stayed with him in the back until he was out. I watched the DR put the drugs in his IV and then Dominic started his drugged out conversation:


DR: Your going to get sleepy now.
Dominic: Ohhhhh now I remember why I liked drugs.
Nurse: smirks
Me: cracking up
DR: We hear a lot of funny stuff....
Dominic: I been sober 5 years now...


Then he was out. I was laughing so hard. The nurse let me out and since he was scheduled for 3 hours of work, I went to the grocery store. I bought a bunch of mushy stuff like apple sauce, pudding, hummus, pita, and per request, a cooked chicken. After the grocery store I went back to the west side of town and let Dominic's dogs out and took Bruno for a walk. Then I went back to the dentist's office to wait.


Dominic was way out of it when they called me back. His eyes were all pinned out (narcotics do that), and he was barely able to talk or walk. We got him in the car. I drove us back to my house and he puked a block away from the house. We pulled over and he puked for about 5 minutes. Then I got him home and now he's just asleep. Poor guy.

HUNGRY

I can't seem to eat enough!! I am hungry all the time now. Just wanted to mention that.